And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
