My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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