I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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