He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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