She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
