Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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