so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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