I wish I could punch you in the face.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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