K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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