I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize