I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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