She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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