you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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