Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
