you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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