I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
