We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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