just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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