Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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