I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
