Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
