It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
