Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
