He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
