Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
