I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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