i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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