Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
