Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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