The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
