Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
