You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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