My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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