I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Duck Duck Cougar?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
