Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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