he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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