what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
