apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i love accidental penises.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
