So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
