is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
