I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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