Im at strip club and am horny
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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