i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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