i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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