I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
