just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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