you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
