happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
