Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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