I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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