I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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