Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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