I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
