the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
