I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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