so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
