we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize