im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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