So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
