I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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