that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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