I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
