Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
