I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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