So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
