i permit you to call me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't deserve a penis
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
this is an emotional support booty call
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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