Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
