Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize