I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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