I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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