HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
