Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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