Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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