Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
