I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
