yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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