I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
