Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
