he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
