Sry I called you an 8
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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