tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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