i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
