Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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