she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
